Legwarmers, a play in 3 acts

Act 1

Me: Legwarmers are stupid! How often do your calves get cold, amirite?? Lulz.
Beth: I wear leg warmers.
Me: ...really?
Beth: Yeah, they really help keep me warm.

(later)

Me: Man, the boot-cut jeans are letting breezes in under the cuffs! They're making my... calves... cold...

(light bulb overhead)

Me: I've been such a fool!

Act 2

Me: I will make some plain legwarmers! Just 1x1 ribbing! Basic tubes, for my legs! But how much yarn will I need?

(sits at computer quietly)

Me: But all these patterns are giving wildly different yardages! I have no idea how much yarn I'll need!

(cue: dramatic music)

Me: I shouldn't buy new yarn. I have so much already! But no! There is not enough of any of my superwash wools! And I can't use non-washable, for the leg warmers will get dirty, and I don't want to hand wash them!

Perhaps I will do some colorwork, and since I have superwash wools in different colors! No, the colors I have are ugly together, and I want these to be simple. What about this yarn, whose colors are kind of ugly, but the yarn is so soft? No! Not superwash! And this? No! Ugly!

(days of constant researching later, complete with rings under eyes and crazyhair)

Me: Maybe... maybe just a little colorwork... With this hand-dyed wool -- it's not superwash I KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT. And this nice... black Lana Grossa Cool Wool... The one skein should be enough... But there's that... pretty... pretty... star pattern from those socks... I could just... do some math...

(hours later, happily knitting along)

Me: [frown] Something doesn't seem right... *gasp!* The chart has an error!

(cue: dramatic music)

Me: Do I rip back? Or keep going? Rip back? Keep going? Rip back? Keep going... Keep going... Keep going...

(hours later)

Me: Shit, it's too small! NOOOOOOOOOO! [rips out back to the top band] How will I ever, ever finish these?

Act 3

Me: Finally! I have the first leg warmer! And it fits! But wait! What's this?! I'm out of the black wool?! Which I bought in Philly? Even though I'm living in North Carolina?! NOOOOOOO!

Me: Mom? Dad? I thought I'd come up to Philly for a visit! No no, no particular reason. Just to visit. Yessssss, to visit... heh heh heh... What? No, I'm fine.

(days later)

Me: Almost... there... just have to... sew down hem with elastic in...

Me: Could it be? It COULD! They're done! They're done! (prances around)

(later)

Me: Ahh, how did I live my life without leg warmers? I will wear them all the time! I will wear skirts in winter! I will wear them with impunity, and ward off the cold with my LEG WARMERS!

(cue: triumphant music)





(days later)

Me: Man, my knees are really cold.

(cue: DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNN)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that cancer can suck it

This is Kate:



She's pretty fuckin' awesome. I can't even tell you how much. So when she told me that her grandfather's cancer had returned, I reacted as knitters react: I asked myself what I could knit for him. Being all sneaky-style as I am, I asked Kate if her grandfather had a shoe size, what shoe size he would have. Then a day later I asked her what his opinion was on the F-bomb.

Being also fucking clever, she replied that he would be totally down with a pair of socks that might happen to say "Fuck Cancer." That was good enough for me. A few days later I had these:



Someone asked me for the pattern, and I figured that since I was writing it up I may as well post it here. Make 'em for your loved ones, or your liked ones, or people you haven't even met yet.

Caveat Knitter: I haven't test knit this pattern. But the most important part is the chart, so use it as you will.

Cancer Can Suck It (Socks)

Yarn:
MC: 352 yds sport weight wool (I used 2 balls Lana Grossa Cool Wool 2000 with exactly enough for a 10.3” foot – approx. a man’s size 9)
CC: Not much sport weight wool (I used 1 ball Lana Grossa Cool Wool 2000 and had lots left over)

Needles:
Size 3 for the ribbing, 4 for stockinette. I knit pretty loosely, so you may have to go up a size for each.

Gauge: 6.5 stitches per inch in stockinette

Top ribbing:
Using size 4 needles cast on 52 stitches
Switch to size 3 needles, join in the round being careful not to twist
K2p2 around for 18 rows

Leg:
Switch to size 4 needles
Work plain around for 10 rows
Start fair isle lettering.

When you get to the yellow stitch: Pick up left leg of stitch below and to the right -- the one with the thicker border -- and knit that leg together with your next stitch. 

Work plain for 19 rows (or desired length)

Heel (feel free to substitute your own):
Working over half the stitches:
Row 1: *sl1, k1 repeat from * to end of row
Rows 2 and 4: sl1, purl to end
Row 3: sl1, *sl1, k1, repeat from * to last stitch, k1

Repeat until the heel flap is 2.3” ending with a purl row

K15, ssk, k1, turn work
sl 1, p5, p2tog, p1, turn work
Row 1: sl1, K to 1 stitch before gap, ssk, k1, turn work
Row 2: sl1, P to one stitch before gap, p2tog, p1, turn work

Repeat those two rows until all stitches on the heel have been worked, ending with a purl row.

Gusset:

Knit across heel flap, pick up 16 stitches on the side of the heel flap. Place marker. Knit across the top of the sock, place marker. Pick up 16 stitches on the heel flap.

Row 1: Knit to 3 stitches before marker, k2tog, knit to next marker, k1, ssk, work to end
Row 2: Work plain.

Repeat two rows until you’re back down to 52 stitches.

Foot:
Remove markers and work plain until the sock is 1.25” from being the final length.

Toe:
Switch to CC.

K26, place marker, k26, pm

Row 1: *k1, ssk, k to 3 before marker, k2 tog, k1, repeat from * to end
Row 2: Work plain

Repeat both rows until you have 24 stitches left (total). Graft toe closed.

What's better than mittens?

Tiny mittens!



Miss Nala doesn't think they're so cute, but I do.



And I made a hat! It's based on the Side Slip Cloche from the book Boutique Knits. I don't have the money for the book so I just deconstructed it.



I used Sirdar's Sublime aran-weight yarn. It's pretty delicious. I just need a brooch to close up the side. That white thing in the picture is a twist-tie. Because I'm super classy. But! This'll be for my mom for xmas. I hope she'll wear it. I need to do a lining, though, and am not sure yet how to go about doing that. Bah. But yay! I cast on for another one almost immediately.

A second gold!

With two days to spare I finished the acrylic monstrosity!



It needs buttons still but WHATEVER, I'm calling it done.

For the record, it's definitely still a monstrosity. Here! A list of annoying things regarding the "Ready to Play" jumper.

1. It's acrylic.
1b. crappy acrylic. Really crappy acrylic.
2. Flat-knit fair isle. Purling with two colors sucks.
3. The original knitter did a float on every stitch on the purled row, not every 3rd or 4th stitch, which takes approximately FOREVER. So I didn't do it. So it doesn't match on the inside. Shhh.
4. Not only are the colors unappealing, but the pattern itself... not so great. However, I'm open to the option that it might not be horrible if done differently.
5. Since it's acrylic you can't really block it (as far as I can tell). It looks a little wonky, and I don't know if I can fix it.

What's that smell?

Why, it's Knitting Olympics Gold!



The shawl! She is done!



And now I can start working on the acrylic kids snowsuit thing!

...swell.

Unders, size XL

“The sock yarn I found there was so lovely that if you had told me that angels flew it down from heaven twice a week to try and make up for poison ivy, I would consider that a reasonable explanation. It is so beautiful and soft that I would not hesitate (except for the nagging concern that people would think I was a raving lunatic) to knit it into underpants.”

- Stephanie Pearl-McPhee, Yarn Harlot: The Secret Life of A Knitter

I think all knitters have felt yarn that demands to be made into something that goes right on one’s happy place (I don’t think Lorna’s Laces shepherd sport really qualifies, but work with me here). And UNlike Mme Harlot, I have no major qualms with people thinking I’m a raving lunatic, since what with the obsessive knitting and the obsessive contra dancing, I’m probably not too far off anyway.



Plus, I thought that knitted underwear would be awesome anyway. And they are. Remember the feeling you got when you put on your first pair of hand knit socks? It’s like that, but better.



The written pattern’s kind of ugly and sketchy, and it only comes in one size because I have NO IDEA how to change the size on something with so picky a decrease. But hey! It’s free!

If you’re smaller than me, you can use a lighter weight yarn and smaller needles.

Gauge: 6 stitches, 11 rows to the inch

I used:
Needles: size 2 circs for the body and size 3 for the i-cord
Yarn: Lorna's Laces Shepherd Sport, 1 ball and a smidge (around 50 extra yards).

Your mileage will probably vary. Rav link to mine.

Also needed:
- Embroidery needle
- Enough 1/4" elastic to go around your hips. I bought about a yard and that was fine.
- Some thinner elastic for around your legs. 1/8" or so works.

Waist:
Provisionally cast on 220, join, being careful not to twist

Knit 5 rows
6: k2tog, yo to end
knit 5 rows

Knit next row together with cast-on row. Ta da! Picot edge!

Knit in stockinette for an inch.

Back:
Over 110 (half the total) stitches:

IMPORTANT NOTES: All instructions are for right side rows. Wrong side rows are just purled. When you see two dashes (--) it means the right side row is knit plain. It’s good to slip the first stitch of each row for a selvedge (ignore this if you’re binding off stitches at the beginning of the row). This’ll make it easier to pick up stitches for the I-cord edge.

1: b/o 4 either side
2. b/o 1, ssk, k to last 4, k2tog, k next, pass last st over knitted st
3. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
4. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
5. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
6. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
7. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
8. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
9. --
10. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
11. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
12. --
13. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
14. --
15. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
16. --
17. --
18. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
19. --
20. --
21. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
22. --
23. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
24. --
25. --
26. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
27. --
28. --
29. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
30. --
31. --
32. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
33. --
34. --
35. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
36. --
37. --
38. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
39. --
40. --
41. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
42. --
43. --
44. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
45. --
46. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
47. –
48. --
49. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
50. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
51. b/o 1, ssk; k to last 4, k2tog, b/o 1
52. b/o 1, ssk; k to last 4, k2tog, b/o 1
53. b/o 1, ssk; k to last 4, k2tog, b/o 1
54. b/o 1, ssk; k to last 4, k2tog, b/o 1
55. b/o 1, ssk; k to last 4, k2tog, b/o 1
56. b/o 1, ssk; k to last 4, k2tog, b/o 1
57. --
58. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
59. --
60. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
61. --
62. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
63. --
64. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
65. --
66. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
67. --
68. --
69. --

Front:
1. b/o 3 on both sides
2. b/o 3 on both sides
3. b/o 3 on both sides
4. b/o 3 on both sides
5. b/o 3 on both sides
6. b/o 3 on both sides
7. b/o 3 on both sides
8. b/o 3 on both sides
9. b/o 3 on both sides
10. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
11. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
12. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
13. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
14. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
15. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
16. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
17. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
18. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
19. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
20. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
21. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
22. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
23. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
24. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
25. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
26. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
27. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
28. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1
29. sl 1, ssk, knit to last 3, k2tog, k1

Kitchener two sides together.

Using size 3 dpns or circular needles, I-cord around the leg holes. Note: be generous when you’re I-cording. Pick up more rather than fewer stitches – I-cord doesn’t stretch.

Use the 1/4” elastic to measure around your hips and mark the end. Don’t stretch the elastic when measuring. Lace through the picot edge, overlap the elastic by about an inch, and sew together, being careful not to twist.

Use the 1/8” elastic to measure around your leg and mark the end. Don’t stretch the elastic when measuring. Lace through the I-cord. This can be tricky. Sorry. Overlap the elastic by about an inch, and sew together, being careful not to twist. Repeat for other leg.

Weave in ends. Put on. Prance around.

Just in time for summer

I've been thinking a lot about knitting between stitches lately, and after some swatching, ended up with this hat:



It's really just a variation on a slip-stitch, but I'm pretty fond of it, and have great plans for more swatching and tinkering.



I worried all through knitting that it would be too big, and it's not. It's not totally snug, but I was actually aiming for that since I'm not-so-fond of hat head. I know, crazy.



It's a nice dense fabric and cozy like whoa. I defy you, summer weather!

Well. While I was in the Poconos (which are in Pennsylvania, for those of you playing at home) I stopped in at Mountain Knits and Pearls in East Stroudsburg. It's a great shop with lots of Dale of Norway patterns and yarns, plenty of sock yarns (including Noro's Kureyon sock), and what looked like a charming knit afternoon. Plus beads and stuff, but I mostly ignored that.

ANYhoo, I was browsing the Dale of Norway patterns and saw these Lillelam pants:



And my ovaries melted into a puddle of goo. I mean, I'm not really one to get all in a fluff about clothes, but there's clearly some kind of subliminal cuteypants message in all that fair isle. Even now I keep thinking "Pssh, they're pants, whatever, I'll just take a look and awwww those are so CUTE I love you yes I do."

Yes I do.

But! I was going to Maryland Sheep and Wool the next weekend, so I refrained! And in the following week thought better of it, and called the shop and ordered the pattern book AND the yarn. I couldn't find a website that had both together, so I figured I was being clever. And in conclusion, I was. Sort of. Dale Ull is pretty expensive. I won't tell you what I ended up paying for the yarn and the book because it pains me.



So. I pulled out the book and started to read the directions. They're short -- like 3 paragraphs. And it's all dense and abbreviated and it uses 7 colors, y'all, 7, and GOD do you know how many ends that will be? and this is for an infant and all they do is eat and poop and make messes and then they grow out of EVERYTHING and 7 colors, people! AND ONLY 3 PARAGRAPHS OF DIRECTIONS. How smart do these people think I am?!

And then I have to go lie down for a while. But they're cute pants.

Seriously. Babies everywhere.

Two friends of mine have just had a little girl, and let me tell you, y'all: this girl is CUTE. I mean cute. Spiky gold-brown hair, big eyes, and a sweet pout.

So, of course, it's hat time:



Final successful cast on: April something.

Finished weaving in the ends: May 1.

The originator: Top-down Bonnet by Adrian Bizilia of HelloYarn fame.

The string: Lorna's Laces Shepherd Sock in Tahoe

The sticks: Size 3 addis.

Pattern shmattern: The only thing I changed was that I cut the yarn after binding off.

I gots more to blog about but I need to head to bed, since I'm hitting Maryland Sheep and Wool tomorrow!

Pardon me, my water needs lemonating

I have a very excellent story for all y'all, and I'm going to intersperse it with pictures from the sheep shearing (which was really more of a "farm-based colonial re-enactment" deal) that I attended last Saturday.

So! Three days last week I hauled over to my brother-and-very-pregnant-sister-in-law's house in the early early morning to let in their contractor who was fixing their drywall. As thanks they took me to a local hibachi restaurant named, conveniently, Hibachi.



As per usual in such places we shared our table with other groups, one of which consisted of three women. Our waiter came over to take our drink orders, and the first woman said she'd have "Water, with like six lemons." The waiter raised his eyebrow but kept going, which got the woman all flustered. The second woman ordered the same, and the first woman blurted out,



-- are you ready for this? --



"It's to dilute the poisons in the tap water."



My eyes slowly widened, and I turned to meet my brother and SIL's widened eyes looking back at me, as we suppressed guffaws of laughter. Don't get me wrong, I've said and believed more than one stupid thing in my life¹, but this is so many layers of absurd that it's just totally delicious².


(This rug had me covet all the necessary tools for rug-making. It was made by pulling loops of long, thin strips of recycled clothing up through woven cloth, instead of pieces of yarn through plastic mesh, like I did once upon a time).

We've gotten a LOT of humor mileage out of it ("I take my water lemonated, thanks").



Anyway! Yes. So. The chap on the left in this picture is Tank (the gentleman on the right is his father, who is interviewing the spinner for a local radio station), who alerted me to the sheep shearing opportunity. He was totally fascinated by the spinning process, and I have a (vague) plan in place to make him a spinner. It'll happen.

And no, I didn't come home with any wool. I know.

In other exciting news, I met up with Stacey and her fi-yon-cé while they were in Philly visiting his family.



We sat and barely drank our coffee and yammered for a long time about spinning, knitting, and everything else. I'd really only seen her two or three times before, and let me tell you, she kicks a substantial amount of ass. AND she gifted me some superwash roving, which I can't show you because I'm too busy spinning it.

I also (finally) finished some socks.



Final successful cast on: March something.

Finished weaving in the ends: April 19.

The originator: My own pattern.

The string: Lorna's Laces Shepherd Sock in Vera

The sticks: Size 1 dpns.

Pattern shmattern: Toe-up, garter ribbing, purl ridge near the top (à la Roza's Socks), 2-stitch increases to accommodate my Curvy Calves and this experimental heel:



I'm calling it a Y heel because I've never seen one like it (has anyone else? I know it's a little hard to see in this picture) and it's shaped like a Y. I'm nothing if not clever. It needs some tweaking, but could end up being a really good thing.


¹ Like that being an English major would be a wise career move. It's a lie, by the way.
² Especially because the news has recently been reporting that lemons tend to be the most germ-tacular thing in restaurants.

Babies, babies everywhere

...I think I need a drink.

Tomorrow is the shower for my still-cooking nephew. With the deadline so near I finally got myself over to the local, independently-owned sewing shop¹ for buttons and closures. This is where I learned that there are two kinds of zippers -- separating and non-separating. Non-separating don't release at the bottom, making them a pretty poor choice for jackets. And of the separating zippers, none of them were short enough for the jackets I had set aside for zippers (they also didn't match, color-wise, but that was the least of my problems).

The women cooed over my knits, "They're so small! Are they doll clothes?"

No. No, they're not doll clothes. Have I mentioned I'm a little paranoid that none of these things will fit the kid?

I managed to find some buttons for the Baby Surprise jacket (I keep spelling surprise with a z. I think having a stuffy nose is restricting oxygen to my brain and making me dumb).



I got these GREAT hippo buttons, but they only just barely fit through the buttonholes, and that's with some real finagling, so I just put one on the top.



Since I couldn't have my zipper, I got some clasps for my heavily modified Cardigan for Merry (made without the pattern or cable graph. Even though I had both of those things, I didn't have them with me, so I just figured out the cable over many many bus rides around New Zealand.



Even though the clasps were a total pain to put on and don't close the cardigan all the way I'm really pleased with the way it looks.



I got the same clasp for another Baby Surprise (ha! Spelled it right on the first go) -- this one for a friend who will also be at the shower, and who's due about the same time as Infant X -- and I love it.



In the meantime, with no zipper, I have no idea what to do with the Tomten jacket I knit. A zipper would've been great, but nooooo. In a flash of brainliness I thought of toggles, but of the two the sewing store had, one was too big, and the other was really ugly. In the knitting store they were all plastic and hideous. So I don't think it'll get gifted tomorrow.

I pulled all the nephew-knits out to show off to my parents, and I have to say, it's quite a pile of FOs.



(Click for notes)

I'm feeling a little embarrassed by it all, actually. That's a lot of stuff. Do you ever feel like you've kind of... overdone it? Forced your craft upon others?

Ah well.

IN the meantime, I've been working ferociously on a new project. It's mostly stockinette, but there's some (4 rows) ribbing at the bottom. Even so it's curling like a Canadian on ice. This is the part where I need all y'all's help. I need you look at this picture and tell me that it'll block out just fine:



Please. It's for my sanity.

Anyone want to hazard a guess as to what I'm knitting? And why?


¹ The local Michael's doesn't have buttons. What the hell is that about?

Lazy, lazy, lazy

The main reason I write is to procrastinate from doing things that I don't feel like doing (e.g. school or work). Since I haven't had much of that, I haven't had the urge to write. But I have been doing things! Cool things! So it's picture time! And announcement time. I'll save that for last, because tension is good, or whatever.

First up!



Have you seen Hansigurumi's patterns? Go ahead and look, and buy them all. I'll wait here. The whole time I knit I was mumbling "Well christ that's clever." Except when I knit the head, during which I was screeching "How the (very bad word) did she figure THAT out?"

Seriously. I think she dabbled in quantum physics to figure that head out.

I bought the set of four cephalopods. I've started work on the squid. Hella awesome.

Next, I got to meet my friends' wee bairn while I was down in NC, and naturally I decided to knit her a hat, because... because. This is Aviva:



The pattern is Larissa's Feather and fan bonnet. I decided to knit it after seeing this picture (brace yourselves, clicking on that picture might result in death by cuteness). I used DK yarn (Lana Grossa Merino 2000) on size 4 needles. It came out a little small, so next time I make it (and I will again), I'll either use heavier yarn or add more repeats.



I also omitted the eyelet row and instead (hand!) sewed the ribbon on. This took ages. Not recommended. Also, my blocking job kinda sucked. I think I need a styrofoam ball for baby-hat-blocking purposes.

On a whim I took some of the roving I'd bought from TerraBellaSpun's Etsy store, and began spindling up some thick-and-thin singles, which I plied with some green sparkly sulky thread. Since the roving has sparkles, it's a WAY sparkly bunch of yarn.



I think I like it? But I don't know what to do with it. At all.

Speaking of spinning, remember that purple handspun? It became these:



GLOVES. Neat! I didn't use a pattern. I should've used smaller needles for the ribbing, but didn't have any appropriately-sized dpns. So I didn't.

So my friend Paige (who, it should be said, rocks pretty hard) is getting all married in early October, and invited me to be one of her Maids of Honor. The other MoH is making her dress, so I offered to make a lace shawl.

Because I'm an idiot.

I've done one lace thing before -- the Branching Out scarf -- and it had a bunch of mistakes (including being made of super crap yarn). I've done 7.5 (12-row) repeats. Of 34. Then there's the inner border. And the outer border.

I am so screwed.



But I'm using Malabrigo lace, which is hella soft. That part is good.

Now! Announcement time! I want you to meet someone:



This is Short Stuff, my impending nephew. Which explains all the baby stuff, and the octopus. I didn't mention him earlier Just In Case, but we've got 2 months to go and LOOK at that FACE. Somebody's got the chubby cheeks!

Awwww.

Oh yes

I like this spinning thing.



I bought this batt at SAFF in 2006.



I think it's BFL, and about 4 oz. I lost the tag for it, so I have no idea, really.



I also don't have the foggiest idea about yardage. My mom offered to buy me a niddy noddy when we went antiquing the other weekend, but I declined until I get more into spinning. In retrospect this was a poor move.



...I have 6oz of new roving on the way...